Hillbilly Heaven
An Anthem for the Leisure Class of Eastern Kentucky
I got a double-wide trailer and a satellite dish
A new bass boat and time to fish.
Got a big-screen Sony and a DVR,
Bill Dance on video and live NASCAR.
I get 500 channels and Pay-Per-View
HBO and the nekked channel too!
I got the best Dell computer that money can buy,
Facebook and Twitter, and a little porn on the sly.
I never had shit till I got on the draw
From a year in the mines and deer stand fall.
Lawyer said “work-related,” the doctor complied–
Two slipped discs and a hurting in my side.
I bought a new four-wheeler with my first comp check,
Two coon hounds, and built a redwood deck.
Been twice to the Smokies and once to Myrtle Beach,
Drove my wife to Atlanta to hear Benny Hinn preach.
There ain’t no life like the life I’m livin’
Cause there ain’t no place like Hillbilly Heaven.
My lawyer said “Son, you’re barely gettin’ by,
Let’s sue for your black lung, Silicosis and SSI.”
Now, on the first of the month I get so many damn checks
It keeps me busy just making my “X.”
Got a 4 X 4 Chevy with a hitch on the back,
Hood scoop, roll bars and a deer gun rack.
She’s got hi-jacker shocks and a new bed tarp–
When I get the winders tinted this baby will look sharp!
I bought a Z-28 with hardly a dent–
Used three coats of primer–money well spent.
Got a fuzz buster, CB and a whip antanner,
Pioneer speakers and a Bearcat scanner.
She’s got a 4-barrel Holly that’ll really kick ass,
Jeff Gordon sticker in the back winder glass.
There ain’t no life like the life I’m livin’
Cause there ain’t no place like Hillbilly Heaven.
My maw was a cheeser, I got a brother in the pen,
Sister’s got nine youngin’s with no two kin.
My pa sold whiskey but he drunk up the pay,
Then become a Happy Pappy under L.B.J.
My boy’s been raisin’ roosters since the day he quit school,
My daughter’s knocked up by she don’t know who.
My old lady’s never worked cause she never was smart
Till she slipped on a ’nanner peel at Super Wal-Mart.
The judge said “Fifty grand is what she deserves,
And a year’s supply of Xanax to settle her nerves!”
No, there ain’t no life like the life I’m livin’
Cause there ain’t no place like Hillbilly Heaven .
I got a ‘55 Chevy setting up on blocks
In my front yard among the creeping phlox,
Got kudzu growing down the garden path,
Three pink flamingos and a stone bird bath.
When I get the urge to cut my grass
I lay down the porch swing and let it pass!
There ain’t no life like the life I’m livin’
Cause there ain’t no place like Hillbilly Heaven.
I don’t mind if the working man calls me lazy–
I might look stupid, but I ain’t crazy.
Let the working man worry about the national debt,
Let him pay them taxes for the welfare set–
When he’s working like a dog for what little he’s paid
I’ll be sleeping like a log and laying in the shade.
Now brother, it don’t take no GED to see
I got the whole damn working class working for me!
No, there ain’t no life like the life I’m living’—
I thank the Lord and the working man for Hillbilly Heaven!
