Southern Legitimacy Statement: What’s southern to me is something I could never be, and that’s myself. I never seem to act like or connect with other people my age, race, and even those who have similar interests. Don’t get me wrong, I still love who I am and how I’m able to create what I do through multiple art forms, but even then I never feel fully like ‘me’. Hence why I do a little of almost everything to reach multiple groups with parts of me I want to show.
We Don’t Really Know Ourselves Until We’re Raw
If you think about it, we’re all raw; like pancakes. That’s how it starts out at least, our mother’s wombs being a pan, slowly cooking us, evenly. Now, not all ‘baked goods’ come out perfect. In a way, I was one of those goods. As a child I was indifferent and disoriented, never fully taking in what’s happening around me, yet still able to notice small things, like a baby spider landing on my sister’s shoulder or how Justin Beiber is Canadian. Do they matter? Not really, but that won’t make me automatically forget them. However that’s also the way life works as we can have many talents everywhere else but one mishap and you’re the laughing stock.
These things get us into those raw moments, reminding us that at the core, we’re all flawed. Reminding us that in the center is something eternally goey past all else. This gooey center will forever be our true selves, who are fully unfiltered, completely exposed, but visible for a short amount of time. In rare cases some have their true selves on display, unfortunately leading to being ridiculed by others and hating who we are. I, too, hate it all the same. I hate how being raw makes me cry for no reason during arguments, I hate how being raw blurs my words making them incomprehensible, but most of all I hate the exposure.
I became ashamed, embarrassed, like I went to a party and didn’t get the memo. It’s like how I was in special ed for three years because I had a hard time describing things, along with taking a bit longer to understand things. It’s how despite it being something uncontrollable, I feel embarrassed to bring it up because it’s seen as being dumb or “special”. Not that there’s anything wrong with being special, but even with my occasional blunders, I still manage to get into higher level subjects. Even so, I never knew it was a bad thing to feel, kids do it all the time, well at least they were. So why can’t we be raw? Do we remain with these bland tastes just to appease someone else? It’s then only a matter of time before bland is all you taste, forgetting the unique ingredients that make you, you. Because when I look into the mirror and up until recently I never saw myself, for it’s only when we are raw do we truly know how we felt.
