Southern Legitimacy Statement: I grew up in eastern Virginia where people sit around a fire and love to talk about their feelings toward each other. Where people have different life stories and the fire in the middle never blows out. Where the weather can be determined on how someone is feeling. Where I call my sweet home.
Tragedy
My step dad was a huge part of my life. He showed me how to really take care of myself and showed me someone cared when I thought nobody did. Even if I only known him for 2 years he still was able to show me so much that other people couldn’t.
So when i saw his lifeless corpse one day, the pressure of seeing his corpse and the weight it carried through me still haunts me every day. I still hope I smell his amazing cooking when I get back from school. But every day since his death something always feels missing like a tumbleweed going through an empty desert. I want to just go back to the days where my whole family felt complete and life wasn’t so bad. When my family could actually bond with each other and do stuff together.
But now since his death everything feels out of place it feels like something is always missing from the house. Every time I walk into the kitchen I always just hope when I peek through the corner he would just be there already cooking and sitting on the chair he would always sit on while cooking.
And every time I go outside, I still hope that once I open the door I can see his car and him outside smoking next to it. And the thing I miss the most is just talking to him and hearing the jokes that he would always tell me when he knew I wasn’t feeling best. I loved how we were not blood but he still treated me like I was his son he really showed me that even if we aren’t blood we can still show love in another level.
I still get haunted by the screams of my mom coming out of her room telling me and my sister that he wasn’t breathing. I still remember his cold body in my hands as I had to carry him onto the floor so my sister could give him CPR. To going to the hospital to see him already braindead on life support.
It really hurt to see someone that I considered my idol that showed me so much about this world, that showed my mom that there is someone out there that can actually love her.
Such in a vulnerable position, A position that I really never thought I would ever see him at.
I truly never want to let go of the memories we have made. They show me how to be a man and without his influence and love, I don’t know where I would be in life.
